A Merry Christmas, or the beaches of Normandie?

This Christmas decoration definitely changed character after Fiona Harris’ 8 month old Labrador retriever figured out it was great for chewing on. The broken edges and sharp punchy holes made me think more of the heavy steel caltrops deployed by Germans on the beaches of Normandie to stop allied tanks, than of stars. But even spikes pointing in all directions obviously couldn’t stop a happy dog. So what to do, if not retrain it. I decided to design an object much more powerful than Pavlov’s famous bell in chasing obedience into a badly behaving canine.

Try to get a grip on this one, on the right end.

The dog biter is a very effective device when it comes to get on equal terms with your dog. The additional range is very advantageous against a fast and furious foe, and even extends further when jaws are snapped together. Just don’t get soft when the battle begins, as the dog will certainly, as proved before, bite and tear into any spikes if you hold them still long enough. No, the best tactic is speed and force – advance snapping the teeth repeatedly, if your dog turns around, then bite his tail, if he doesn’t, get a hold of the scruff of his neck until he gives up. Remember, he would do the same to you if he was in possession of the dog biter, wouldn’t you?

Debi Banerjee demonstrates the Dog biter.

Just remember not to be unforgiving when your dog gives up. This also counts for boyfriends and husbands. A yelp and big wet eyes usually mean that they have learned their lesson. The dog biter is further useful for picking fruit from trees, keeping burglars off your lawn and as an anti riot instrument (possible for both sides of the argument). Please be aware, any violent use of the dog biter is not the intention of the artist and can only be attributed to your own bad judgement. Best of luck with your dog!

Object no. 60